Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
