i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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