Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
