One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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