but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
