i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
