tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
