...so i touched it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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