I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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