i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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