I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
