She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
