We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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