EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
