She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
