were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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