somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
