I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
