The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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