That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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