went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
