Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
