the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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