The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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