white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
