i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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