I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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