32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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