Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
