I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
