I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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