Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
