I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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