the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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