doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
