fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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