Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
