wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
