Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
