Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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