told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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