i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
