If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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