I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
