im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
