I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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