I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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