The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
