so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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