I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
