I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
