nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
