You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
