I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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