Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
