Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
