good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
