He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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