I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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