remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
