OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
