i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize