Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
