Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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