Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So much rum. So many feels.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
