The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
