my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
